Jealousy? Table of one?

In 2009, I was writing and raising awareness about an issue that was being overlooked by the mainstream media.  I wrote an article that was published about this particular issue.  Then my life turned upside down and I walked away from my advocacy because it was too painful to continue (for personal reasons).

Today, an acquaintance from those advocacy days announced on Facebook her publication of a book about this issue.  I congratulated her and she told me she used portions of my article in the book with permission of the entity that published it.  I am fine with that, of course.  But I’m not going to lie, it hurt. It hurt because in 2009/2010, I wanted to write this book, but I didn’t.  I didn’t and she did.

It has been said that comparison is the thief of joy.  I can attest to the truth of that statement today.  And it sucks.

I am telling myself that if this was the book I was meant to write, then I would have written it. In fact, this book contains stories that needed to be told.  The problem, of course, is that I wanted to be the person to do the telling.  But I wasn’t and I have no one to blame for that but myself.

As much as I don’t begrudge her this success, I hate the way I am feeling now.  I hate knowing that I walked away from the idea.  I hate knowing that I could have pursued it but didn’t.  I hate envying her for doing what I didn’t.

If it hurts this much, there must be a lesson in all of this.  I can’t change what has happened, so I might as well learn from it, right?  I think the lesson is that I should never give up on a story that I want to tell because it will hurt like hell when someone else tells it for me.

One thought on “Jealousy? Table of one?

  1. Yay! Another blog post! ^^

    Is there another way you could use the idea that you had? You could write a novel if the other book was nonfiction maybe? Everyone sees the world differently, so even if you wrote the same kind of book, it would be different because it came from you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s