Living with yourself is hard.
Living with unruly thoughts, unwanted worries, unforeseen heartbreaks–all of which feed upon aborted or abandoned dreams, discarded or misguided hopes–is hard.
Living with the evidence of your life is hard.
Living with your choices is hard.
It’s why we anesthetize ourselves with food, alcohol, drugs, smoking, exercise, work, sex… because the hardest thing in the world is living with yourself without being distracted or sedated.
Addictions come in all forms and they are hard to break because they serve a valuable purpose: keeping us from living with ourselves.
Without wine or unnecessary food, all I can do is wrestle with unpleasant emotions and invasive thoughts. I sit and simmer in a pool of pain, my own and that if the world around me. I struggle to stay afloat. I imagine we all do.
Writing helps me.
Writing this helped me.
What helps you?