I know I should be seeing a therapist but I’m stubborn.
I know I’m using food and wine to anesthetize myself.
I know these are terrible and destructive methods of coping with my emotions and stress.
And yet, I still do it. Old habits are hard to break. But I’m gonna try.
I’ve been painting. I am drawn to it and am pursuing it (when I can) because of the Rumi quote, “what you seek is seeking you.” Although I am using YouTube videos to learn about painting, I am determined to continue.
One thing I’ve noticed is that when I don’t use food or wine to distract myself from my emotions, I’m much more productive. I clean more and now, I’m painting more.
I finished an acrylic painting of my son last week (I’m sharing progress photos):
And another this weekend (12×12):
And tonight I’m starting again:
The painting on the wall of the woman is oil paint. I prefer oils but acrylics are more practical. They just drive me crazy because the paint dries so fast.
The point of this, of course, is that if you dont dull yourself with alcohol or distract yourself with food, there are a lot of things you can do. Like butcher a canvas.